InsaneJournal

Snape doesn’t think that he’ll ever get to like Remus Lupin. Ever. Never ever.

He’s chanting this to himself as he goes to take Lupin his Wolfsbane Potion for the last time before he needs to get back to the afternoon Potions classes. It is a mantra that he hopes will distract him from taking too much notice of how obviously worn-down and painfully thin the other man has become. In the bleak atmosphere and surroundings of the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, he seems starkly alone and depleted. And it is a litany also designed to take his mind off how much he has noticed and the reason why this might be.

They are all becoming stretched far too thin now. Attacks are getting more frequent in more and more places, and there simply aren’t enough agents to go around anywhere. Snape knows for a fact that, right now, he’s not the only one in this house to be working very closely with the most dangerous of them all and it’s only him and Lupin here now. Almost too close, Snape would have said, only those are dangerous thoughts; superb Occlumens aside, there’s no room for unnecessary risks. Right now, necessary risks are somewhat of a moot point.

Despite all this, the werewolf seems to be forcing himself to put a brave face on, smiling, however briefly it is at times, at the antics of the Weasley Brigade and joking with Bill, and even that Nymphadora Tonks. 

But occasionally, for a second Lupin would be looking in his direction and catch Snape’s eyes coming from the opposite direction. In that moment, there is an eternity of grim understanding, a measure of hopelessness and a sliver of camaraderie. Then Snape has his walls up around him, as fast as it takes for him to blink and turn away, mental shields that are tight around the unwelcome emotions that stir in him at the minute contact. Furtive glances from the corner of his eye later, before he leaves for a mission or for school, reveal that the werewolf’s mask is back in place. He is somehow disappointed. The thought is pushed away.

Today his mantra covers an irrational desire to see the man, alone and unmasked. But maybe that’s good after all; if this stupid curiosity is satisfied, wouldn’t it then cease to bother him?

Pushing open the door to the kitchen, he immediately saw the other man sitting at the table, steam rising from a coffee mug at his elbow whilst he read the paper. At Snape’s entrance, he looked up, his face creasing slightly into a pleasant smile.

‘Good morning, Severus. I wasn’t expecting you until this evening.’

Snape declined to answer right away, instead setting the flask onto the table near Lupin’s coffee.

‘I have some detentions to take care of this evening,’ he said, adopting his usual disdainful tone. ‘And afterwards-’ I’m in the belly of the beast, so to speak. ‘- I have other plans.’

This earned him a long look, which he pretended to ignore, whilst looking around the kitchen as if searching for someone.

‘It is unusually quiet this morning, Lupin. I had assumed,’ rather hoped, in fact, ‘that it would be the usual chaos.’

‘Molly and Tonks went to Diagon Alley, but various people have been in and out of the house since early this morning. Was there anyone you were hoping to run into, Severus?’

Anyone but you, was Snape’s unvoiced sentiment but even if he’d said it, Lupin would probably be unsurprised. Damnit, how he resented the man and never wanted to think about him this much.

‘No, Lupin, I was merely curious,’ he said with a slight derogatory sniff. ‘Well, enjoy your day,’ he added, sneering. And that was it, the jab that Lupin wasn’t really doing anything at the moment for the effort. The other man’s eyes narrowed momentarily, a hint of a snarl passing over his face before he nodded and turned back to his newspaper, effectively ignoring Snape, who was fighting back the shudder that threatened to run the full course down his spine.

Taking it as his cue to leave, not that he could have brought himself to make the effort to hang around for much longer, the potions master turned and left, anger, resentment and a hundred other emotions making his blood boil.

He didn’t think he was ever going to like Remus Lupin. Ever.